I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
