last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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