I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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