you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
