my phone needs a breathalizer
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
