we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
