I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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