Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
