If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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