He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
