Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
