Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
