Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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