Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
