the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
