She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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