How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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