lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I need moral support for this bender
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
