this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
