I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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