if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
