please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
