youre lurking in front of me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
