Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize