All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
