Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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