as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
