Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
