Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
