Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
