she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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