Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
