just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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