im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
