What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
