Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
