Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
