Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize