all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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