I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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