I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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