at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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