I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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