I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
