He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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