Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
