i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
