STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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