Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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