The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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