Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
