one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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