it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
