The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We don't watch enough power rangers
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize