By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
