i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
