I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
ok first of all what the fuck
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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