lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
