In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
