We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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