one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
