i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
