that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
