I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
