I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im six kinds of drunk right now
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
