Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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