It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
